This is the time of the year when we do a little driving and check out some unique wedding venues that we have scheduled for the upcoming season or new reception sites that have shown up on our radar.  Let me tell you about a few of the recent stops that we made:

Mill 1 at Open Square in Holyoke, MA

This is a unique industrial feel with all the exposed brick and modern bar structure. http://www.opensquare.com/

Farmington Gardens in Farmington, CT

With a separate dining area, social hour area and outdoor space, this is a well thought out venue.   This is surely not your run of the mill wedding venues.  It is well worth checking out.  http://www.farmingtongardensct.com/

Belle Terrace (Avon Old Farms Inn) in Avon, CT

Recently renovated - this venue will be making a comeback with new management in place.  They have an outdoor area for social hour or ceremony.  It is run by the Riverhouse Properties.  http://www.avonbelleterrace.com/

From the ashes arose the most amazing new structure on the CT Shoreline.  The old Wharf / Madison Beach Hotel was deconstructed around 2 years ago.  As we've watched the construction over the past year, this space has taken an amazing transformation.  We have been doing business with the staff at Madison Beach Hotel for probably 10 years or more now.  It is so exciting to be a part of their new facility.

This past weekend, brides came from all over the area to check out the new facility.  (The Madison Beach Hotel will formally be open come March 15, 2012)  With many wedding vendors in attendance, the facility was setup showing various table designs in the main ballroom.  The view of the CT Shoreline is just stunning.  No other area facility has the unobstructed view that The Madison Beach Hotel has.  The characteristic rocks and island just off the shore make t his an amazing place to get married.

We provided our photo booth and our up-lighting in the main ballroom  (pictures taken in BROAD DAYLIGHT and you can still see the color on the wall from our high output light fixtures).

Years ago, when I was just getting started in the wedding industry, one of my best friends got engaged. The plan was to have her sister as her Maid of Honor and her brother-in-law as the Best Man, nice and simple. Then, a few months before the wedding she called and said "I think I would really like to have you and a few other girlfriends as bridesmaids... I just think the idea of being around a gaggle of girls that I love will make my wedding day that much better."

Of course, I said yes, because that's what you do when you are asked to be a bridesmaid, the same for the other gals in the "gaggle". There were six of us bridesmaids in all. On the day of the wedding, when one of the other bridesmaids refused to get her make up done, another forgot her dress and still another complained about the cold while we were taking photos, my friend the bride looked at me and said "Why did I have bridesmaids? I want to kill these girls."   (READ MORE)

Many people ask what the differences are in lighting packages.  I wanted to try and answer most of your questions with this blog post.  There are three basic kinds of lighting at a wedding reception.  There are dance floor lights, table lighting and architectural lighting of the room.

Dance Floor Lighting:  (Video Clips Here)

Basic Dance Floor lighting consists of 2-3 light fixtures that move, change color and shape of the beam based on the music.  This is a great way to give some energy to your dance floor.

Club Lighting takes your basic dance floor lighting and brings it to a larger level.  We bring more light fixtures.  The style and complexity of the fixtures rivals what you’d see in a typical night club.   This style lighting creates more of a dance party atmosphere.  We can control the lights and adjust them based on fast v. slow music.

Table Illumination:

Table lighting can come in a few typical styles.  You can illuminate your tables with candles.  You can use LED glow fixtures in vases or in your floral arrangements (talk to your florist about lighting options).  You can also pin-spot your table centerpieces.  Each table centerpiece would have 1-2 white pin-spots pointed at it from high above (ceiling mounted or 11’ in air well above people) to make your table glow.  We can do all guest tables or just your head table, cake table and maybe even your parent’s table.  We can even make a table GLOW from underneath.

Architectural Room Lighting or Up-Lighting:

Up-lighting is a huge wedding trend.  Something so simple can dramatically change the overall feel of your venue.  Dark wood tones?  We can warm it up with an Amber LED or Par Can.  Want to turn the room blue or pink?  We can do that too with our 3 watt LED high intensity LED up-lights (~10,000 lumen output).  These up-lights can remain one color through the entire reception or we can wirelessly control color scene changes for your entrance, first dance, or the lights can change based on the music over the course of the evening to add to your party atmosphere.

You can use wash LED lighting OUTSIDE to change a tent or even the ENTRANCE of your venue.

Texture lighting normally requires high vaulted ceilings or tents but can be projected on divider walls, behind your head table or on the ceiling or dance floor to add yet another dimension to your space.

A week or so ago, we posted a quiz on our blog called "Are you a Bad Guest?", because year on year we see brides and grooms deal with so much drama that has nothing to do with planning the wedding and everything to do with guests who manage to make a day about others into an activity about their own needs. 

Sadly, the worst behavior is typically saved for the actual reception itself. My belief is that the offensive guests usually aren't self-aware enough to realize that they are being rude or inappropriate. So, to quote an Oprah-ism, "If you know better, you do better", I thought I would prepare a simple check list of 10 things to not do if you are a wedding guest. These are all culled from real life experience, no fiction here.

1. Don't wear white... unless you are Pippa Middleton or a guest of Kim Kardashian and were asked to do so.

This seems like common sense, but you would be amazed at how many times I've seen guests show up in white, or near white dresses. Probably the worst case of this was when a bride's future Mother in Law arrived at the church wearing a white gown, but that's a story for another time. In any case, there is a full spectrum of tones that you can wear to a wedding, including black... so why not just leave white for the bride?

2. Arrive at the time on the invitation.

There is a myth, particularly in New York, that the "real" start time is actually a half an hour after the invitation time. It isn't really. It's at the time that was carefully selected and it would be appreciated if you got there at that time. And, if you do arrive late, please, please DO NOT walk in, see that the ceremony is happening and then exclaim loudly "Oh My God! Did we miss it? But Ceremonies NEVER start on time." They actually do. And this one did, so just be quiet and move on with it. Similarly, while it is appreciated that you didn't want to be late, it isn't always appreciated when you arrive an hour before the invitation time either. We all recognize that you want to "beat traffic", but killing time is what Starbucks' are for.

3. Arrive with the people to whom the invitation was addressed to.

No, it wasn't a mistake that your children's names weren't on the invitation. When your envelope arrived and it didn't say "and guest" it actually was completely clear "whether or not you could bring a date?" (the answer is no, because it didn't tell you to on the envelope).

4. Don't bring a boxed present with you.

Yes, it is true that there are some bulky items on wedding registries like lamps or toaster ovens or ice cream makers and what have you, and it IS the right thing to do to purchase the couple a present. The wrong thing to do though is to bring that present with you to the ceremony and reception. It's inconvenient and you don't get extra credit for showing up with a gift. You have a year to send them a present, so just order something or the registry and have it sent to them.

5. Some people will have been asked to make toasts, if you aren't one of them, pleasedo not try and make a toast.

First of all, speeches at weddings are generally the low light of the night. Secondly, the couple almost always carefully selects the people who are invited to speak at the wedding. Third, if they didn't choose you, no matter how amazing you think your words of wisdom might be, you should keep them to yourself.

6. Similarly, do not make requests of the band or DJ.

Hmm. How do I say this politely? Someone paid for this band or DJ and they took the time to hire professionals AND to review the songs that they wanted played and not played. They did not pay this person or group of people to be human juke boxes, no matter how badly you may want to hear Beyonce or what have you. And, part two of this is, please don't, don't, don't ask to sing with the band, it doesn't matter how much everyone loves your version of "Delilah" or "Mony, Mony."

7. Don't expect special food.

If you have dietary restrictions or allergies that are very severe, it's probably a good idea to give someone a heads up when you respond to the invitation. If you have super severe dietary restrictions, it's probably a good idea to bring your own snack or eat before you arrive in case you don't like what is presented to you at the event. It's totally reasonable to expect something for you to be there, but not rational to assume that if you are a Vegan with a gluten allergy that you are going to be thrilled with the special dish that is presented to you. Carry a Vitacost bar or something like that in case you aren't happy instead of complaining about it.

8. Don't complain to the bride and groom at the wedding. 

When I had my own wedding many moons ago, we had a catering mishap at the reception and it took way too long to get food out to the floor. For me, as a professional, it was a horror that I tried to not let traumatize me. For most of my guests it was a fabulous excuse to keep drinking without being interrupted by the nuisance of food. Except for my Aunt Fran, who wasn't content complaining to the bartenders, waiters, my friends and my family. She just couldn't help herself and had to walk up to me while I was on the dance floor, pull me away and tell me that she was hungry and mad about it.

9. Don't Complain to the Bride or Groom after the wedding either. 

A few days before my last client's wedding the groom rang me anxious to know my opinion on bathroom attendants. I told him I didn't think it was necessary, but was curious what brought it up. He told me that one of his colleagues had a huge, black tie reception a few weeks ago and that his aunts kept calling his colleague to complain that there weren't any bathroom attendants. WHY they would feel that this complaint merited post-event attention is beyond me, but the point is, it wasn't appropriate. Even if it was the worst wedding you've ever gone to, you weren't invited as a critic, and they don't need your constructive criticism. Chalk it up under "not the best night ever" and move on with your life.

10. Fornicating.

I'll leave it at that. Wait until you get home. Please. No area of a wedding is private enough for this.

Follow Xochitl Gonzalez on Twitter: www.twitter.com/theblogsmaid

Have you ever watched that reality TV show called “Four Weddings” on TLC?  If you watch enough of them, you really can get a sense of what is important and what is not at a wedding.  Having a bigger budget is not always the way to guarantee a bride wins the honeymoon.  Spending your wedding budget wisely and paying attention to the flow of the day is really what makes a wedding GREAT. 

 Here are some of my observations from watching this wedding TV show. 

 The Ceremony:

• Make sure everyone can hear you exchange your vows- watch out for distracting surroundings and have someone professionally microphone the ceremony.
• Keep it short – but not too short (15-30 minutes)
• Make it personal – no one wants to hear a generic exchange of “I Do’s”
• Be on time.  If you are late starting the ceremony – it will impact your entire day’s plans.
• Dress up your ceremony site – give it that “wow” factor
• Having your ceremony outside?   Have backup plans in case of bad weather.  Do not chance it – if there is a chance of rain – just fall back to your rain plans.  The same goes for high temperatures, low temperatures, extreme humidity and wind.  Do not chance it.  Plan around it.
• No one likes random people watching the ceremony- keep it private

The Cocktail Hour:

• People love a change in scenery between the ceremony, cocktails and dinner.
• Make sure you have enough space – do not overcrowd your guests.
• Give your guests places to sit and relax
• Verify that there will be enough bartenders on duty. (1 for every 50 guests)
• Keep it upbeat and entertaining – set the tone for the rest of the event during your cocktail hour.
• Food.  Food.  Food. Make sure there is enough for your guests and give them more choice than just cheese and crackers

 The Venue and Meal:

• Give your guests options for meal choice.
• Most people hate buffet lines – but “station meals” are OK
• Do not drag out the meal and bore your guests.
• Keep toasts SHORT as to not impact dancing time.  Try to have them completed by end of dinner.
• Older guests can be volume conscious – keep volume appropriate so people can talk and mingle. 
• Air conditioning should be set so room is cool enough so people can dance without passing out due to heatstroke. 
• Make your event flow – your entertainment and wedding planners can help you with this.  Do not listen to your venue – they are concerned with food service and not the flow of your party.
• Pay attention to “reception aerobics” – you do not want your guests standing up, going over here then back to their seats then standing back up, etc.    Make activities make sense.
• Ever been to an event where there were lines for the bathrooms?   You should plan for about 1 stall for every 25 guests.

 Dancing:

• No one wants to wait 3 or 4 hours before dancing starts.
• Pace the festivities so you do not bore guests and you do not do everything all in one lump (people only have about a 10 minute attention span)
• Personalize your entertainment and be involved
• No one likes it when the bride and groom are missing during the reception – keep group photos to a minimum during this time
• Once dancing starts – do not interrupt it – not for speeches or desert stations
• Dim the lights and set the mood for dancing
• Create memorable moments with your entertainment (special send off, flash mob, highlight friends with special songs)
• Everyone loves a photo booth
• Nothing kills the party mood like a bad DJ

The Madison Beach Hotel was LEVELED and from the ashes arose an amazing new facility. We just toured the place this week as they were putting the final touches on the new building. It is amazing. You have to see the view from the new ballroom on the 2nd floor. (Direct access from the parking lot via elevator!)

Get married on the beach. Have cocktails out on the deck. Dance the night away as you watch the sunset. So cool.

How Much Should Your Wedding DJ Cost?

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Honestly? Probably more than you were planning to pay.

Why?

Because this isn't easy to say, I don't say it lightly: When it comes to Wedding DJ's, Brides and Grooms can and should expect more professionalism than the status quo that has been perpetuated as "acceptable" for far too long.

And that's not just my opinion. Over the years I've talked to brides, grooms, friends, other wedding professionals and even wedding DJ's and everyone seems to agree that the bar for Wedding DJ professionalism has been set (but even more oddly, accepted) at an often shockingly low level of expectation. In many cases the quality of the service provided falls well beneath the level of mediocrity. IMO that's not ok because the reputation of the entire DJ industry is damaged every time a DJ falls short. It's created an atmosphere of apathy where people in need of a DJ often hope to pay very little for one simply because they expect so little in return.This post isn't about bashing what I consider to be average or stereotypical Wedding DJ's. For the most part I don't think there's anything particularly deceptive about how most of them run or market their companies. It's not a bait and switch scenario. Clients hire them with their eyes wide open, understanding the level of service they will receive. Some are willing to contract an average DJ because they think what they're seeing is "as good as it gets."In some cases their expectations are so low they don't even try to find a qualified DJ or MC because they don't realize good DJ's exist. Recently I stumbled upon this blog post on Vegan Bride titled "Phil Birdsell Saved the Day!"written by her real life groom. It's a perfect example of what this article is all about. He and his bride weren't going to hire a Professional DJ... Until they met Phil Birdsell who completely transformed their perception of what a wedding DJ can be and exceeded all of their expectations.I know a common misconception is that all DJ's are "cheesy" or as MC's they are "obnoxious" on the microphone. So the logic is: Why pay a lot for someone who is most likely going to annoy or disappoint you? For some companies those may be accurate descriptions of the types of services they provide. But I want to share with you today that not all DJ companies are like that...

Some are good.

Some are really good.

A select few are truly great.

CONSIDERATIONS
IMO the major factors that really matter when it comes to price are:

Budget
If a particular DJ doesn't fit your budget, keep looking for the most qualified one who does. You want to choose the right DJ to entrust your reception to: One who is going to try their hardest and do their best for you, not the first one you talk to or the most convenient one.

What is a DJ Worth?

The answer to this question varies based on your needs, expectations and priorities and the level of talent, skills and customer service a DJ is able to provide to you.

The funny thing (as in ironic not ha ha) is that I have worked in the wedding industry for 13 years and by far know more vendors who do not charge enough for their services than those who overcharge. So many people who work in the wedding industry do so because they love to make people happy, they're really not in it for the money. Some barely charge enough to break even on the cost of their labor, supplies and equipment. (When I was a custom bridal accessory designer I spent a lot of energy talking brides out of things they didn't needbecause imo when it comes to wedding accessories, less is more. Less will always look classic and elegant while too much can look costumed or silly.)Are DJ's Who Charge More Worth More?
They can be but it may take research on your part to verify if a company is charging what they're worth or if they are simply being opportunistic. The sad truth is that any company can "look" legitimate. All they have to do is build a nice looking website, print up some business cards and brochures and start advertising. They may even have some impressive credentials. But those things alone aren't a guarantee of anyone's current level of professionalism or your satisfaction as their client.

On the flip side of buyer beware is knowing that paying a premium price for something doesn't always mean it's overpriced. Whether or not something costs "too much" can be determined by the answer to this question: Is it worth what it costs? You can spend $5,000 dollars on something that's worth $10,000 and get a great deal. Or you can spend the same $5000 on something that's only worth $50 and be completely taken advantage of.My pov is: "Value is not relative to price but to the quality of the product or service you receive in return for your investment."

DJ as MC

And what about their Master of Ceremonies skills? Especially if you haven't ever seen them perform before I urge you not to just send out an email or chat on the phone before hiring a DJ because they will almost always be acting as your MC. You need to meet them in person. During your face to face consultation you can see their personality and even ask them to stand and do an introduction for you. When they do, watch for the following elements to see if they have mastered the MC skills needed to do a great job at your wedding:

• Facial expression and demeanor: Do they smile and look happy to be there?
• Body language: Do they slouch, rock or shift about nervously once they begin speaking? Or do they stand straight and tall with confidence?
• What are their speaking skills like? Do they talk so fast you can barely understand them? Or are they so timid you can't imagine them getting everyone out on the dance floor?
• Do they sound engaged, interested and excited to be there or is their voice flat as if they are reading a nutrition label on a box of breakfast cereal?
• What does their voice sound like? Do they speak with sincerity in their own voice or turn on a different affected performance voice once they're speaking into a microphone? (Or spoon or ballpoint pen, whatever is handy during your consultation.)

After taking Mark Ferrell's MC workshop it is now much more apparent to me how undervalued and overlooked MC skills have been in both the past and present. It's all the more shocking because everything the MC does is an integral part of your wedding reception and should be considered when you are choosing your Wedding DJ.

WHO DO YOU HIRE?
The first and most important question would be: Were you referred to a particular DJ by someone you know and trust, who hired them for an event and were thrilled by their service? Or were you impressed when you saw them successfully performing at another event? If your answer to either question is yes, that may be all you need to know when it comes to selecting who to hire.

If you're starting from scratch, here are some tips that may help you decide if a company is going to delight or disappoint you. If you can answer "yes" to all or most of the questions below you're definitely on the right track to finding a DJ of quality.

Does the DJ you are considering hiring:

• Have a Business License?
• Use a Written Contract? Do they guarantee the date, their arrival and departure time and the rate they are charging you?
• Have Quality Equipment?
• Are They Insured?
• Own a Vehicle Large Enough to Transport all of the Needed Equipment? Or will they forego the correct equipment because they don't have the space to transport it?
• Come Prepared with Back Up Equipment?
• Dress Appropriately?
• Not Use Inappropriate Language?
• Not Drink Alcohol on the Job?
• Bring an Assistant When Necessary? i.e. not enough time allowed for set up before guests arrive or lots of stairs that their equipment must be carried up and down.
• Are they a member of an organization that has real standards for business practices and ethics? A group where not just anyone can pay to be a member.

But here are the intangibles:

These are the things that you can't always discern from a website. These are the things a trusted testimonial from someone you know or an eyewitness account can confirm. Does the DJ you are considering hiring:

• Rely on Expertise not Ego?
• Deserve your trust?
• Have Solid MC Skills?
• Know how to Use Their Equipment Properly?
• Understand the Pacing and Timing of the Reception?
• Have a personality that reflects your own and/or the type of event you would like to host for your guests?
• Care About Your Wedding? Are they honored to be a part of your special day or is it just a job to earn money?

There is a Big Difference Between how "Professional" and "Stereotypical" DJ's View Weddings

To me there are no exceptions, every DJ is one or the other. It comes down to integrity and the choice they make when it comes to how do they approach your wedding day? You will find both types of DJ's within owner operated and multi-op companies. Professionalism is defined as competence and skill. The Professional understands and cares that your wedding is special and will use their competence and skills to help make it enjoyable and memorable. For the Stereotypical DJ's, the common perception is that they treat weddings as just another "gig" on their calendar.

Do you remember in the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" when Julia Robert's self centered, no frills character makes the analogy that she is "Jell-O" and in the same breath labeled Cameron Diaz's sincere character as being "Creme Brulee?"

If you didn't before I hope you now realize that there are highly skilled, experienced, talented, caring Professional DJ's out there. They do exist!
So, How Much Should your Wedding DJ Cost?

My thanks to Mark Ferrell, Jason Spencer of Jason Spencer Weddings and Entertainment, Carl Mindling of I MC Events, Ron Grandia , Leonard Ybarra of Music Plus Events, and to the other DJ industry professionals who helped contribute to this article by allowing me to consult with them. Their insights and perspectives are very much appreciated.

If you enjoyed this post you'll probably like these posts too:

• Mark Ferrell's Master of Ceremonies Workshop - Yes, I took it!
• Ron Grandia - My Day as a Wedding DJ's Assistant
• A Day in the Life of a Professional Wedding MC

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As guest arrived and found their place cards, it was evident that not everyone had made it to the reception.  But wait - did you read the names of the people that did not show up?

Do you have any other suggestions that you might want to add into your seating cards at your wedding?

Join in on the conversation - who would you add to your wedding list if you had a sense of humor?